If you've ever wondered why it's so hard to leave a painful relationship, or why you kept returning to someone who hurt you — this is for you. Not because something is wrong with you. Not because you are weak or broken. But because what happened to you has a name, and understanding it may be one of the most important steps you take toward healing. When Words Get Misused, Real Suffering Gets Minimized Lately, the phrase "trauma bonding" has been showing up everywhere — in TikTok videos, casual conversation, even as a lighthearted way to describe friendships forged over shared struggles. "Trauma-bonded besties." "We trauma-bonded instead of going to therapy." Continue reading

  Do you ever notice that you have a hard time letting go of your mistakes? Maybe your mind goes on autopilot with all the what ifs . Or you replay a situation over and over, beating yourself up for missteps you wish you could undo. Maybe you compare yourself to others—sometimes favorably, sometimes not. Or you get triggered and traumatic memories surface, pulling you into rumination. However it shows up, the loop is the same: round and round you go, full of angst. If you’re a social person, this rumination may show up as talking things through repeatedly. Each time, it feels like just one more conversation will bring relief—yet it never quite does. If you’re not social, it may all happen silently in your head. Either way, it’s exhausting—especially because it’s rarely the thoughts that build you up that get revisited. It’s the ones that tear you down. Continue reading

  When working with clients, I’m continually reminded of something both simple and profound: we all possess inside of us the greatest wisdom about what we need to heal. Dick Schwartz, the creator of Internal Family Systems (IFS) , arrived at the same realization through his clinical work. Again and again, he found that when people were given the right conditions—safety, curiosity, and compassion—their own inner wisdom naturally guided the healing process. This isn’t about willpower or positive thinking. It’s about learning how to hear yourself again , especially when stress or trauma has made that harder. When Inner Wisdom Feels Out of Reach Your inner or innate wisdom knows what you need because it’s rooted in your nervous system and lived experience — not just your thoughts. Long before you consciously reason something out, your brain and body are constantly integrating information: past experiences, current sensations, emotional states, and environmental cues. Much of this happ...

Just recently, I was talking to someone who’d been placed on an antipsychotic — a heavy medication designed for conditions like schizophrenia or bipolar disorder with psychosis. He wasn’t psychotic. He wasn’t bipolar. But he was exhausted, agitated, unable to think clearly, and terrified something was deeply wrong with him. I referred him to a trauma-aware nurse practitioner I trust. I didn’t tell her anything about him beforehand. Within the first appointment, she said something that shifted everything: “I’m not convinced this is bipolar. But I am convinced you have PTSD.” She immediately began reducing the antipsychotic — because the medication wasn’t treating the real issue and was making him exceedingly tired too. And here’s the thing:   It’s not that antipsychotics are always bad. They save lives.   But they also come with significant side effects — and if they’re not necessary, they shouldn’t be used. That conversation reminded me just how often this happens — not onl...

  For many people, the holidays are a time of connection, celebration, and joy. But for others, this season brings something very different — grief, anxiety, overwhelm, and a deep sense of longing for what used to be or should have been. If you’ve experienced a significant loss or trauma, the holidays can feel especially painful. The rituals, smells, songs, and gatherings that once brought comfort may now highlight what (or who) is missing or what (or who) you never had. You may feel the sharp contrast between the world expecting cheer and your heart carrying an absence that can’t be filled. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. A 2023 American Psychological Association survey found that 89% of U.S. adults feel stressed during the holidays — and for those living with trauma or loss, that stress can intensify old wounds, amplify grief, and awaken memories the body has worked hard to protect you from. This is not a personal failing. It’s your nervous system remembering. Trauma...

  Because the Body Keeps the Score By the time I was 35, I had been diagnosed with endometriosis, multiple sclerosis, and migraine disease — three conditions that can all be triggered or worsened by prolonged stress and inflammation. In my case, it was growing up in a violent home as a child.   I didn’t struggle with a diagnosed mental illness, but I did meet the criteria for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). We just weren’t talking much about that back then. Looking back, I can see how my body had been carrying the burden of stress for years — long after the danger had passed. That’s the thing about trauma: it doesn’t just live in your memories. It lives in your body. PTSD & Physical Health Diagnoses Research shows that up to 80% of people with PTSD experience chronic inflammation (Michopoulos et al., 2017). When we live through repeated or extreme stress, our bodies release pro-inflammatory cytokines — chemicals meant to help us fight infection. But when they sta...