Resolve to Rise

When I send out a text, an email, or leave a message for someone and I don't hear back for a long time or ever, I have a tendency to think it's because I've done something wrong. I spend countless time recounting all our interactions trying to find out what I did. I consider whether I should reach out again. I wonder if I should apologize "if I've done something that upset" the person. And, yet, it's never really about me anymore than my reactions are about other people.  My friend kept saying to me, "Lilli, it's never about you ." So, when she was upset with me, I thought about that and explored it further. Before going to her, I thought about it; if it's really never about me, then what is it about her? Maybe because of her own personality, life story, etc., she needed something different than what I was doing. Maybe I was missing the mark, because I didn't know what it was that she needed. So, maybe I should ask! And, that's wh

When you make the decision to seek counseling, finding the right fit is important.  The goal is to find someone who is a good fit and competent to help you navigate your concerns. In the Appendix of Resolve to Rise: Become Greater than Your Circumstances and on the website www.resolvetorise.com you will find a table that outlines many of the evidence based approaches to trauma. As you review it consider what you are looking for and what approaches sound best to you.   I find the Psychology Today platform the most helpful in getting a quick view of who is in the area, available to take new clients, and focused on and trained in the areas I'm seeking assistance. Psychology Today is a platform used in many countries; however, my instructions are based on the United States site at  https://www.psychologytoday.com/us .  At the site, you will do the following: Click on "Find a Therapist" and enter your zip code or city For Issues, select "Trauma and PTSD"   Start cli

What's most important for successful therapy? ​ You may start therapy with great hopes and quickly become deflated feeling like nothing will help you. There are several reasons this might happen, but one very important reason is that you don't have the right therapist. A lot of people think it's about the person's training and expertise, and that is relevant, but even more important is the relationship you have with your therapist.  A solid relationship produces the best outcomes! ​ Here are the core components of a therapeutic relationship that will produce results! You trust your therapist​ You believe your therapist can help you​ You feel comfortable and safe sharing with your therapist​ You and your therapist have the same goals for therapy​ If one of the core components is not present, it is unlikely your therapist will be able to help you heal from what ails you. That doesn't mean the therapist isn't competent or able to help their clients, it just means