Resolve to Rise

It’s NEVER About You! How to Transform Relationships with Understanding Have you ever sent a text, email, or voicemail and didn’t get a reply—sometimes for days, or maybe never? If you’re like me, your mind might immediately start spinning: What did I do wrong? You replay every interaction, wondering where things went sideways. You might even consider sending another message to apologize for upsetting them— just in case. But here’s the truth: it’s rarely, if ever, about you. And just like my reactions are rooted in my own experiences and needs, others’ reactions are usually about them. The Moment I Realized "It’s Not About Me" A close friend of mine would often remind me: “Lilli, it’s never about you.” This was a hard pill to swallow, especially when I thought she was upset with me. Instead of reacting defensively, I paused and asked myself: If it’s not about me, then what is it about? Could it be her personality, her life story, or her unmet needs? Maybe she needed someth...

How to Find the Right Therapist for Trauma and PTSD Seeking counseling is a significant step in your healing journey. Finding the right therapist—one who aligns with your needs and is competent in addressing your concerns—is crucial. In the Appendix of my book, Resolve to Rise: Become Greater than Your Circumstances , and on my website, www.resolvetorise.com , you'll find a comprehensive guide to evidence-based trauma therapies. Reviewing these options can help you identify what approaches resonate most with you and what to look for in a therapist. Where to Start Your Search One of the most effective resources for finding a therapist is Psychology Today , a widely used platform that allows you to filter therapists based on location, specialty, and availability. If you're in the United States, here’s how you can start: Visit Psychology Today and click on “Find a Therapist.” Enter your zip code or city to see a list of therapists in your area. Filter by issue : Select “Trauma an...

Is My Therapist Right for Me? Key Questions to Ask What’s Most Important for Successful Therapy? Starting therapy can feel like a leap of faith. You may begin with high hopes, only to feel discouraged if progress seems slow or nonexistent. While there are many reasons therapy may not work as expected, one of the most critical factors is whether you have the right therapist . Many people assume that a therapist’s training and expertise are the most important factors for success—and while those are relevant, the foundation of effective therapy lies in the relationship between you and your therapist. Why the Therapeutic Relationship Matters A strong therapeutic relationship produces the best outcomes in therapy. Research shows that when you feel connected to your therapist, you’re more likely to make meaningful progress. Here are the core components of a therapeutic relationship that fosters healing: Trust : You trust your therapist to guide and support you. Belief : You believe your the...