What's Normal Behavior When You're Suffering?

Beyond the Darkness Can You Envision Light?

Viktor Frankl, who spent years in an Auschwitz concentration camp, said, “An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behavior.” 

If we know when we are under stress or facing extreme challenges that it’s normal to not show up as we would ordinarily, then why do we expect so much from ourselves anyway?


Instead we should consider during immense stress and hardship… 

  • We may not be as on top of things
  • We might be more reactive or agitated
  • We may experience more concerns or fears
  • Our outlook may be negative 
  • We may feel hopeless or distracted

And yet even knowing all of this, I find myself expecting that regardless of my circumstances I should show up not just as I normally would, but at my best. I think a lot of us do that to ourselves. For instance, I have heard people apologize for crying after a horrible loss. What would be a more normal response than that!? 


As a result we may be prone to put inappropriate expectations on ourselves making the situation worse.


Viktor Franks said the best way of moving through hardship is by finding meaning and setting your focus on a future goal and how you will accomplish it. It goes a long way to have a belief in the future. 


Nietzsche said, ‘He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how”


When my husband died, focusing on graduating from graduate school to become a therapist became my "why" which made it easier to bear the grieving and continue forward. 


What goal is out in front of you that gives your life meaning?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Complex PTSD: How Do You Know if You're Dissociating?

Image
There are various types of dissociation and within each type there are various symptoms that would point to dissociation. Dissociation is only considered clinically significant if it is interfering with an aspect of your life, for instance, work or family.  When is Dissociation Normal?  Some degree of dissociation is normal and every person can typically relate to one or another of the symptoms; e.g., getting lost in thought as your driving home and not being able to remember the drive. In and of itself having a symptom isn't reason for concern, but when it becomes the way you navigate life it can have some significant impacts on your work, relationships, and life in general. If that is the case, it may be time for you to seek professional help.  13 Signs You are Dissociating  You drive somewhere or you had a conversation that you don’t remember You do something that you don’t remember You don’t remember how you got to where you are or you don’t remember putting on the clothes that
Read more

How Does Someone with Complex PTSD Behave?

Image
What is Complex PTSD? To understand how a person will behave, it helps to first understand more about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Complex PTSD (C-PTSD). Individuals who have PTSD or C-PTSD share many symptoms. To meet the criteria for PTSD the individual has to have been indirectly or directly exposed to a traumatic event resulting in a death or leaving a person feeling like their life or someone else's life was in immediate danger.  They also must meet the following criteria for a minimum of 30 days, not because of a medication/substance and/or illness, and it is negatively impacting aspects of their life; specifically, they...  Re-experiences the event in one or more ways (e.g., memories, nightmares, flashbacks, etc.) Avoids reminders of the traumatic event Experiences negative thoughts or feelings that began or became worse after the traumatic event (e.g., difficulty remembering aspects of the event) Has an increase in arousal or reactivity after the traumatic even
Read more

How Do You Comfort the Grieving?

Image
After something difficult occurs, there are various ways people try to support.  Some responses are helpful and others are not.  "It can be like driving down a road in the dark." I was in a counseling program when my husband unexpectedly died in bed next to me. One of my colleagues (a future counselor and chaplain) later told me he avoided engaging with me, because he did not know what to say.   If a chaplain and future counselor doesn’t know what to say, what does that mean for everyone else?   It can be scary knowing how to show up when someone you know has suffered something significant. What do you say? How do you act? What if you say the wrong thing? Will you make it worse?  It can be like driving down the road in the dark. At some points, the only thing you may be able to see clearly are the lines on the road. And, that is when you focus your eyes on that to guide you home. When you don't focus on what you can see, you may be inclined to avoid driving in the dark at
Read more