What's Normal Behavior During Stress and Suffering?

Beyond the Darkness Can You Envision Light?

Why We Expect So Much From Ourselves in Hard Times—and How to Shift That Perspective

Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor who spent years in Auschwitz, famously said: “An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behavior.”

If we know that stress and extreme challenges can cause us to respond in ways we wouldn’t under ordinary circumstances, why do we still expect so much from ourselves?

The Reality of Stress and Hardship

During immense stress and hardship, it’s natural to:
  • Struggle to stay on top of things.
  • Feel more reactive or easily agitated.
  • Experience heightened fears and worries.
  • Have a more negative outlook.
  • Feel hopeless, distracted, or overwhelmed.

Even knowing this, many of us—including myself—expect to show up not only as our usual selves but as the very best versions of ourselves. It’s a setup for self-criticism and unnecessary pressure.

For instance, I’ve heard people apologize for crying after a devastating loss. But what could be a more normal, human response to grief than shedding tears? These unrealistic expectations only make a hard situation harder.

Finding Meaning Through Hardship

Viktor Frankl also taught us that the best way to navigate hardship is by finding meaning and focusing on a future goal. “He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how,” said Friedrich Nietzsche, whose words Frankl often quoted.

When my husband passed away, my “why” became graduating from graduate school to become a therapist. That goal gave me purpose, helped me endure the pain, and allowed me to keep moving forward.

What about you? What goal lies ahead that gives your life meaning?

Take the Next Step

If you’re facing tough circumstances, remember: it’s okay to not be at your best. Find your “why,” focus on small steps toward your goal, and show yourself the compassion you’d offer a friend.

For more tips on overcoming life’s challenges, visit www.resolvetorise.com.

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