Spotting the Red Flags: Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship


There are various reasons people end up in unhealthy relationships and various signs of an unhealthy relationship. 

The most common of those reasons is you grew up in an unhealthy environment. Growing up in an abusive or neglectful environment can lead to various challenges that leave you vulnerable to unhealthy relationships as you get older. Some examples of resulting challenges include: low self-esteem, poor boundaries, fear of abandonment, and people pleasing tendencies.

Unfortunately mistreatment in childhood consistently produces difficulty trusting others and can lead to re-victimization because of an inherent devaluing of your own needs. More simply said, you may not notice the danger signs and your own discomfort and therefore stay in the relationship assuming you are the problem. 

10 potential signs you are in an unhealthy relationship if your intimate partner is: 

  1. Gaslighting. Your partner minimizes your reactions to things usually by discounting or implying you are overreacting or imagining it all together. 
  2. Obsessive - tends to text or call excessively. Your partner may also spend a lot of time reviewing your social media platforms. 
  3. Changing expectations - presenting as if they are comfortable or enjoy something and then expressing negative or discounting thoughts about it. For instance, your partner says things like, "I want you to spend time with friends", but criticizes you or the friend every time you do. 
  4. Blaming - Your partner changes to the topic to their frustrations or explains what you did to cause their response when you make a request or express concern or upset about something they have done or said. 
  5. Controlling or Overprotective - wanting to know everything about what you’re doing and who you’re with and expressing strong impressions about where you should go and with whom you should spend time.
  6. Maneuvering - setting you up with compliments as the reason for you to be responsible. for example, telling you you’re really good at cooking to justify you making all the meals.
  7. Possessive - accusing you of cheating, flirting and expressing strong opinions about how you dress. 
  8. Hostile or extreme reactions like threatening suicide when things get tense. 
  9. Joking (aka, Belittling) about things that are just put downs in disguise and telling you “you’re too sensitive” if you attempt to address it or say it upsets you. 
  10. Dishonest - lying outright or by omission.

These warning signs are either indicating it is time for counseling or it is time to move on. When we come to a relationship with our own issues, it is reasonable to expect our partner will have theirs also. If your partner owns their behavior and pursues help and is actively working on improving, the relationship may be salvageable. If that is not the case, you should consider separation.


You deserve someone who will come alongside and partner you; someone who is honest, regarding, and loving. A healthy relationship involves give and take between both parties. 


10 characteristics that make you vulnerable to manipulation and an unhealthy relationships.


You... 

  1. Are Overly trusting with high integrity
  2. Desire to heal others or solve their problems for them
  3. People please and desperately want others to like you
  4. Worry a lot
  5. Tend to take the blame for things
  6. Are Naïve and have a hard time believing some people are just ruthless 
  7. Are Over-conscientious and much harder on yourself than anybody else
  8. Have low self-confidence and poor boundaries
  9. Over-intellectualize and try too hard to understand and make sense of things
  10. Fear abandonment 
The best thing you can do when you recognize you are either in an unhealthy relationship or you are vulnerable to one is to work on the one thing you have control over... YOU! That work should include efforts to increase your self-love, boundaries, and self-care. 

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