Unhealthy Relationships: What Works, What Doesn’t, and How to Move Forward

How to Fix an Unhealthy Relationship: What to Do and What to Avoid

Relationships can be challenging, especially when unhealthy patterns take hold. Whether you’re facing constant conflict, poor communication, or lingering resentment, you might wonder if your relationship can be saved. The good news is that with effort and commitment from both partners, positive change is possible.

However, you cannot fix an unhealthy relationship if your partner is not interested in changing with you. If both of you are willing to take ownership of your behaviors and actively work on improving, the relationship may be salvageable. If not, it may be time to consider separation.

In this guide, we'll explore the do's and don'ts of repairing an unhealthy relationship.

Signs Your Relationship Can Be Fixed

Before diving into how to improve your relationship, it's important to recognize if there's potential for growth. Here are some positive signs that indicate your relationship can be repaired:

  • Mutual Willingness to Change: Both partners acknowledge the issues and show a genuine desire to work on them.
  • Healthy Communication Efforts: You can discuss issues openly and respectfully without fear of judgment or defensiveness.
  • Emotional Safety is Present: Despite challenges, there’s an underlying sense of trust and comfort in being vulnerable with each other.
  • Consistent Effort and Follow-Through: Both of you take action toward change, rather than just making empty promises.
  • Mutual Respect: Kindness and empathy are still present, even in difficult moments.
  • Seeking Help Together: You’re both open to therapy, coaching, or relationship-building resources.
  • Shared Vision for the Future: Even amid difficulties, you both still desire to grow together.

What Not to Do in an Unhealthy Relationship

If you're trying to mend your relationship, avoiding these common pitfalls is crucial:

❌ Don't Make Excuses for Inappropriate Behavior

It’s important to hold your partner accountable for their actions rather than justifying harmful behaviors. Confront issues head-on and name them for what they are.

❌ Don't Focus on Intentions Over Actions

The reasons behind their actions matter less than the actual behaviors that are hurting you. Overanalyzing why something happened can distract you from addressing what happened.

❌ Don't Make Empty Threats

Threatening to leave or making ultimatums without follow-through can erode trust and escalate tension. Instead, focus on healthy boundaries.

❌ Don't Bring Up the Past

While past mistakes may inform the present, dwelling on them repeatedly prevents forward progress. Stay focused on the present and what needs to change now.

❌ Don't Engage in Sarcasm or Blame

Sarcasm and blame often lead to defensiveness and shut down meaningful dialogue. Instead, express your feelings directly and respectfully.

❌ Don't Ignore Your Own Needs

In the effort to fix things, don’t neglect your own well-being. Self-care and setting personal boundaries are crucial.

What You Should Do to Fix an Unhealthy Relationship

While it's easy to focus on what's going wrong, the key to improvement lies in what you do differently. Here’s what can make a positive difference:

✅ Take Responsibility for Yourself

The best way to create change is by focusing on what you have control over—your actions, responses, and boundaries.

✅ Set Clear Boundaries

Boundaries are crucial for self-respect and maintaining a healthy relationship. Determine what’s acceptable and what isn’t, and communicate that clearly.

✅ Be Specific With Your Requests

Instead of vague expectations, communicate clearly what you want and need. Ask direct questions and expect direct answers.

✅ Stay Focused on the Present

Address current concerns rather than rehashing old grievances. Ask yourself: What do I want to be different right now?

✅ Engage in Honest, Open Communication

Speak from your own experience using "I" statements instead of blaming. Express your thoughts, feelings, and needs with honesty.

✅ Take Accountability for Your Own Actions

If you have an agenda or expectations, be upfront rather than trying to push an outcome without clear communication.

✅ Offer Support, Not Control

Rather than trying to fix or change your partner, focus on offering support and encouragement for their growth.

Finding the Right Path Forward

If you've put in the effort and aren't seeing changes, it might be time to seek help through counseling. Having someone who can help facilitate your efforts can make a profound difference. Regardless, a healthy relationship requires both partners to be committed to growth and healing. If you find yourself in a one-sided effort, it may be time to consider whether the relationship is right for you.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and need guidance, check out my free Resolve to Rise Companion Guide at www.resolvetorise.com to explore actionable steps toward healing and empowerment. While the guide is focused on healing from PTSD and Complex PTSD, the steps hold value regardless of the source of your struggle. 

Final Thoughts

Rebuilding a relationship takes time, patience, and effort. Whether your relationship is on the brink or just needs some fine-tuning, focusing on healthy habits and boundaries can help you create a meaningful connection.

What has helped you navigate challenges in your relationships? Share your thoughts in the comments below or connect with me on social media:

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